Home..

if I had to define what I feel right now.. I would fail. so I don't bother anymore.. what life means to me is nothing I thought of it to be at any part of my past. Did I expect to be the way I am today? no.. why? because I always thought that things will chance.. and so will the people that surround me most of the days.. Another thought came to mind while I was young. And that was simply to change the environment I live in.. Maybe that will help me experiencing life in some what pleasent manner.. And so it happened.. more than a dozen times as I recall.. Each place led me to some hope and a temporary ease.. but at the end of the day I was back again in the same place where I started.. Did that made any difference? a little piece of freedom everyday? It did gave me a few good memories. But other than that.. it was temporary too... One Major change I thought would happen to me if I moved to Canada or US.. so here I am.. did that happen? no. what was it that I considered calling a Major change? freedom. one word.. but such a vast meaning. I thought I would obtain this dangerous little thing that makes us do so many unpredictable things.. But certain people in my life made sure I never get to that point. so here I am.. wondering again. is it time for me to, again, make a move and travel to another destination? is it time yet? is it the answer to that question isn't in my possession. Some day, I hope, I will have that answer. And the same day I'll be packed up ready to move. the only difference this time is going to be.. I'll be moving alone. And there is a huge possibility that it wont just be moving.. I'll BE ALONE for a long time afterwards.. But in that time... I'll either fade away with the strong winds of life that scatters a thousand kingdoms in it's history or I'll survive and finally get to the destination I was heading for in the first place. And where is this place I'm aiming for? I don't know yet. But the day I get there.. it will be Home.