It feels Good Again... After a Long, Long Time...

I've been thinking about this song thats constantly playing in my head. After a long time, one of my own songs is actually turning me on to do something.. After a long time I'm actually feeling like I'm doing something. After a long time it feels real again. But my timing couldn't be worst. Just a when my PC broke down so I can't even record a single thing on it.. I'm trying to see if I can some how record a demo of it somehow to share it with friends so atleast I get some feedback but then again.. I'm never really much into the feedback when it comes to music. If people like it, they like it. If they don't. well.. go and listen to someone else then.

So far these words have not been uttered to any one. I haven't even discussed anything about this with any of the band members yet. I guess I want it to be complete first and then later shared. As usual I'm out of words to write for it. Not because I dont have any. It's because this song is very personal. There is so much running around in my mind right now that I can't capture all of that in one song.. Oh well.. Atleast I'm gonna give it a try and see what happens at the end of it. I stopped writing poems and songs for a long time. My ispiration simply died a few months ago.. Had nothing in my mind to write about. Every time I thought about writing something. it felt like I've already done something like that before. Even thou I haven't'.

It's getting strange thou. Every time I pick up my guitar now all I can think about is the chorus of this song. I play it over and over and over again and I just don't get tired of it. I guess thats part of the reason why I can'teven finish the bloody thing. hehehe. Every time I start playing those chords. I'm stuck. I guess thats a good thing. Or atleast I hope so. After a long time I'm thinking that I love something I'm writing. I love those lines because it reminds me of my self.. It's not that I am obsessed with my self but I hardly written a song about my self ever.. It's always about being in a scenario that defies my reality. Maybe I'm starting to think again about what I actually started this for... Or maybe I'm just a hyped up guy who saw something shiny for a change and is enjoying the moment. What ever it is.. It feels good. And it's been a long time since something felt good.

Home..

if I had to define what I feel right now.. I would fail. so I don't bother anymore.. what life means to me is nothing I thought of it to be at any part of my past. Did I expect to be the way I am today? no.. why? because I always thought that things will chance.. and so will the people that surround me most of the days.. Another thought came to mind while I was young. And that was simply to change the environment I live in.. Maybe that will help me experiencing life in some what pleasent manner.. And so it happened.. more than a dozen times as I recall.. Each place led me to some hope and a temporary ease.. but at the end of the day I was back again in the same place where I started.. Did that made any difference? a little piece of freedom everyday? It did gave me a few good memories. But other than that.. it was temporary too... One Major change I thought would happen to me if I moved to Canada or US.. so here I am.. did that happen? no. what was it that I considered calling a Major change? freedom. one word.. but such a vast meaning. I thought I would obtain this dangerous little thing that makes us do so many unpredictable things.. But certain people in my life made sure I never get to that point. so here I am.. wondering again. is it time for me to, again, make a move and travel to another destination? is it time yet? is it the answer to that question isn't in my possession. Some day, I hope, I will have that answer. And the same day I'll be packed up ready to move. the only difference this time is going to be.. I'll be moving alone. And there is a huge possibility that it wont just be moving.. I'll BE ALONE for a long time afterwards.. But in that time... I'll either fade away with the strong winds of life that scatters a thousand kingdoms in it's history or I'll survive and finally get to the destination I was heading for in the first place. And where is this place I'm aiming for? I don't know yet. But the day I get there.. it will be Home.