Engaged, how weird is that?

Its been over two months that I've been engaged to the most amazing person i've ever known in my life. Kinda weird feeling to be honest. I didn't see my self as one of those guys who would ever propose to someone but I guess I am. I didn't even consider the possibility.... Yet.. Here I am.

I've known her for twelve years and I never ever considered that someday I will find myself wondering whether I can be without her. I never thought I would ever decide to spend the rest of my life with her. To me, she was always a stranger from the past that I met once, maybe twice. But now she has come out of my past to be my future. To become a major part of who I am.

Its funny how life turns around and pushes u into a completely unexpected direction. And all u can really do is just open your eyes and watch your own life change into a completely different organism all together. There were moments in my life that made me believe that I wasn't meant for love. I thought I wouldn't be one of those who find comfort being in someone's thoughts and dreams and reality. But here I am. Surrendering to the fact that I need her. I want her. I see my self becoming part of someone's life as she becomes part of mine. How weird is that? Funny thing... I like it.

I still have some questions in my mind. What will happen when she finds the locked but not forgotten door in my heart. The one that has nothing but dark and painful memories. The one that still bleeds through its cracks the sorrow that I have carried in me for decades. She knows about this door. She felt it. She knows that there is something behind it that should be left alone. I know someday she will ask me to open it. And when the flood of my suppressed past washes over my soul and leaves me completely naked. What will she say? I'm scared I guess.. For the first time in my life I'm scared of what someone will think, wiill feel, will see. She means so much to me. And I know that without her getting a glimpse into my past, she will never truly understand me. Knowing her, she would steal the key to this door with a smile. But will that smile be there when she finally unlocks and opens that door? I usually don't wish for things. But today, out of all the wishes in the world, I wish I could see the future.. How weird is that? How truly weird....

Sent wirelessly from my BlackBerry device on the Bell network.